I'm not in a 'hurry' mood.

After afternoon language class, it already was 6:00pm, and the outside was dark, also, and colder. I was not in a hurry to back home as usual. First, I was thinking if I should head to Christmas market and look around, but since I have nothing need to buy and I've been there a few times, I chased the idea out of my mind,and then I considered having a quick dinner at a Turkish resturant near Sendlinger Tor, still, after weighing the possibility of gaining more weight in this winter(I only like one meat dish and one super-sweet dessert over there), I changed my mind again. So the only way left for me is going back home.

Of coz, as it's at 'crush hour', U-Bahn was crowded. People ra out of carriages to catch another transfer in other trains, to save a few minutes for their lives, to be able to lit their rooms and sit down in front of their tables, to say hello to their parnter a little bit earlier, or to escape from this world to their own shells. How rushy they were! I would be one in the flow, if I was in Shanghai, running after a bus, or waving to stop a taxi, to share the evening, dinner, or maybe TV series with my mom, and with our silent apartment. But I am here, in another country, so far, I've never felt an impulse of running: If I miss this train, I can wait till next one, just a few minutes later, why feel bothered? Especially when my husband is not at home this evening(he is in his short business trip), why need hurry up?

Here is only one thing make me connected to this place: T, my husband. Only for his sake, Germany sounds much closer and warmer, and so can I treat the darker & longer winter as normal and natural. So you could see T's funcation is huge and powerful. But I still have to admit that I don't feel I belong to here yet, I can easliy feel it, when I wandered the streets, watched people, I don't feel I'm there, with them. No, It just feels like I sit somewhere wacthing a movie, plainly, without invloved, or peek into other's life through a glass wall.

There are a few obvious reasons I can think of: I came here shorter than one year, I can not speak native langauge yet, I don't work here, have no lots of friends and acquaintances, etc. Sometimes I feel a little lonely and miss my mother, and that's noraml for one in my situation.(I already started to like our apartment a lot, it feels like my home now, much more familiar, even through I seldom open the letterbox, because there is few letters waiting for me.)

Someone who is less sensitive would feel less about it, and for this point, life might be a little bit easier for them, to some extent. But I think I'm able to handle my issue and myself(as T said, I'm also strong in another side, I hope so.).

One day, if I run to get into a train or bus, if I hurry myself in streets, thinking less of these sort of things which I'm typing here, then i could tell me that I'm rooted here, or I sort of belong here. Life keeps running, regardless of your speed. When is that day? If it will come? or still I would keep this status for much longer time, only the life can tell. Thinking without action is just a void thing.

After one night and a sleep, and then another 9 hours later, I will see T again. Tomorrow(opps now it's already 'tomorrow') I will buy some foods, because I said to T I would cook him a dinner.

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